Progress Toward Equality
By Ed Fallon

Dear Friends,

“Defenders of marriage:  defending the institution against people . . . who want to get married.” – Roy Zimmerman

The above line is from a song written in 1998.  That was the year the Iowa Legislature passed a law banning same-sex marriage.  Only eleven of us voted “no” – the same number who voted “no” two years earlier, when the bill sailed through the House but failed to come up for debate in the Senate.  A couple years later, I confronted Fred Phelps, who paid Iowa a visit to denounce our status as a “fag state” and burn an Iowa flag in front of the Statehouse (for the story that appeared in the Iowa State Daily, see this.

Well, weÂ’ve come a long way in just a few years.  Last week, as part of the national campaign called “Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights,” I spoke at a rally just yards from where Phelps burned our flag.  This time, there was no flag burning, no name-calling, no gay bashing – simply 30 people braving a cold evening to show support for equality.

More than anything, thatÂ’s what this about:  equality.  Yet, I know many good people who struggle with this issue, who feel in their hearts that marriage must be between a man and a woman.  I appreciate such struggle when it is sincere and not motivated by hate or fear.&nbs p; But I ask all my friends, family members and acquaintances who oppose same-sex marriage to study the perspective of those of us who embrace equality and to try to understand the challenges facing gay and lesbian couples.

To give you some insight into my viewpoint, I have included, below, the full text of my 1998 speech on the subject.  I would also refer you to a column from the New York Times (http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9902E2DA1F39F93BA35750C0A960958260), and my speech before the Iowa House in 1996 (http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/9299/speech.html).

As always, I look forward to hearing from you.  Thank you for taking the time to read this Update, and please consult our website for upcoming events.

Ed Fallon



Ed FallonÂ’s Speech on Same-Sex Marriage before the Iowa House (March, 1998)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Iowa House, I hope that before you vote today, youÂ’ll consider the full impact of HF 382, which has received very little debate in committee and seen almost no coverage in the press.

Equality for women was the defining civil rights issue of the early decades of this century.  Equality for African Americans was the defining civil rights issue of the 1960s and ‘70s.  The reason this legislation is so important is b ecause equal rights for gays and lesbians is almost certain to be the defining civil rights issue of the early years of the next century.

Please note that I say “equal” rights, because there are people who consistently mislead the public, insisting that gays and lesbians want “special” rights.  The lack of logic in this argument is self-evident if you will examine the content of the bill before us.

Because those of you in this chamber who are heterosexual (and IÂ’ll assume that five percent are not) have the right to marry, with all the attached benefits and privileges.  Yet under current law, homosexuals are not afforded this right.  In other words, homosexuals are less than equal.  And if Hawaii decides to take the giant leap forward and recognize same-sex u nions, HF 382 will make certain that in Iowa, gays and lesbians remain second class citizens.  The truth is, colleagues, we should be going in the opposite direction.  Instead of the anti-marriage bill before us, we ought to be discussing legislation to allow any two adults who want to make a commitment to each other the option to do so legally.  I canÂ’t help but note a bit of hypocrisy here:  Supporters of banning same-sex marriage frequently portray gays and lesbians as promiscuous.  Yet, theyÂ’re also eager to forbid legally-sanctioned, personal commitment.

Some contend that we need this legislation to protect the sanctity of heterosexual marriage.  From what?  It isnÂ’t as if thereÂ’s a limited amount of love to go around.  Love isnÂ’t a non-renewable resource.  If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love each other, it doesnÂ’t mean that John and Mary canÂ’t.

It isnÂ’t as if marriage licenses are distributed on a first-come, first-served basis.  Heterosexual couples donÂ’t have to rush out and claim marriage licenses now, before theyÂ’re all snatched up by gay and lesbian couples.

The truth is heterosexual unions will continue to be predominant, regardless of what gay and lesbian couples do.  To suggest that homosexual couples in any way, shape or form threaten to undermine the stability of heterosexual marriage is paranoid and absurd.

Two years ago I spoke against this same legislation.  During the months that followed, I received over 2,000 letters, phone calls, and e-mail messages in support of same-sex marriage.  And this may surprise you, but about 40% of those letters came from heterosexuals.  Through the stories people shared, I learned much about the challenges, frustration, intimidation, and abuse endured by homosexuals trying to fit-in to a hate-filled world that doesnÂ’t accept them.  One of the many former Iowans who wrote had this to say:  “The fact that, in recent years, some sectors of IowaÂ’s political process have become increasingly hostile to gays was a major factor in my decision to leave the state.”

Another former Iowan wrote: “IÂ’m a 41 year-old lesbian raised in Grinnell.  My partner and I have been together for 14 years.  We have two sons, ages 12 and 8 . . . we are consistently denied benefits due to our unmarried status, everything from student housing and AAA spousal cards to adoption.”

And this one: “As a Canadian homosexual who does a lot of business travel in North America and in Europe, I must admit that nowhere do I feel as uncomfortable and unprotected as I do in the U.S., particularly in states such as yours.”

Another couple wrote: “The fact that we pay outrageous taxes because the state does not recognize our union, the fact that I could be stopped from visiting my lover in the hospital because I am not ‘family,’ and the fact that we get stared at if we show any affection towards each other is quite appalling.”

A college student wrote this: “Sometimes sitting in classes I feel as an African American law student must have {felt years ago}.  I have to learn, memorize and be tested on laws which discriminate against me in almost every area – tax, insurance, family law, social security, wills, estates and trusts, torts, criminal procedure . . . the list goes on.”

And finally, “I am a high school psychologist, and I work daily with gay and lesbian children who are depressed, scared, intimidated and looking for understanding.”

Colleagues, these are the voices of people affected by your vote here today.  And if that isnÂ’t enough to convince you that this legislation is wrong and hurtful, then IÂ’d like to introduce you to a few of the faces behind these voices.

If you look up into the balconies, youÂ’ll see a handful of the many Iowans who a re opposed to this legislation.  Most of those opposed arenÂ’t here today because theyÂ’re working or in school.  And to put it bluntly, some are too scared to be here, scared of retribution.  Most are in stable, healthy relationships.  Many have children.  Some are your constituents and even your neighbors.

And like you and me, they celebrate Christmas, attend PTA meetings, get stuck in blizzards and plant flowers in the spring.  They pay taxes, pick-up trash in front of their homes and eat three meals a day.  In short, they share all the usual joys, dreams and concerns that you and I share.  And yet somehow, all some of you can see is what they do in their bedrooms.  The only tag youÂ’re willing to place on them is the one that identifies them by their sexuality.  And since you regard that as sinful, itÂ’s a short step from there to justify a denial of civil rights, including a denial of the right to marry.

Think about if for a minute.  How thoroughly inappropriate, small-minded and yes, bigoted, to label someone by one small aspect of their identity.  Do we hear the Speaker of the House say, “the Chair recognizes the heterosexual from Polk, Representative Lamberti?”  Or, “the Chair recognizes the asthmatic, or the lawyer or the senior citizen?”  

Colleagues, I feel we are asleep at the wheel.  If you cannot see the harm this legislation does to one of our most maligned minority groups, then you havenÂ’t thought about the issue or this legislation in great detail.

Make no mi stake about it:  What we do here in this chamber has a definite and profound impact on public opinion.  And if we pass this bill, we, the elected government of the state of Iowa, say to the people and businesses of this state that not only are same-sex marriages wrong, but homosexuality itself is wrong.  The message is that if itÂ’s OK for government to deny civil rights to homosexuals, then government is certainly not going to care if others do so as well.

Just last week, I heard an evangelist named Jim Wallis tell a very moving story about another evangelist, a guy named Tony.  One hot summer day, Tony was walking down a street in Philadelphia when he saw a homeless man walking toward him.  Despite the heat of the day, the guy was wearing a big, heavy coat.  He was sweating profusely.  He had a long beard, didnÂ’t look too clean, and even from a distance Tony could smell him.

And TonyÂ’s thinking, “With any luck, this guy will just keep walking right on by me.”  But as luck would have it, the homeless man stops right in front of Tony and says to him, “How are you doing today?”  Tony responds, “Fine.”  The homeless man says, “Would you like a sip of my coffee?  When God gives you something good, you share it.  And this coffee is really good.”

Well, the last thing Tony felt like doing was taking a sip of this dirty, sweaty, smelly homeless bumÂ’s coffee.  But to refuse would be to hurt his feelings.  So, Tony takes a sip of the coffee and says, thinking the guy might like some pocket change, “Friend, is there anything I can give you?”

The homeless many looked Tony right in the eyes, paused and said, “I sure could use a hug.”  And when he heard that, Tony thought he would have preferred to part with a twenty-dollar bill than to touch this sweaty, stinky fellow.  But he reached his arms out to embrace the man, the man embraced Tony . . . and the poor guy was so starved for affection he just wouldnÂ’t let go.  And as that embrace on the hot streets of Philadelphia stretched beyond the comfortably brief period normally expected of such human encounters, and as Tony, the evangelist, felt and realized the depth of this manÂ’s loneliness, he forgot about the smell and the sweat, and the experience became for him a profoundly sacramental moment.  To Tony, in that moment, it seemed as if he was hugging Jesus Christ himself.

Like all metaphors, this one has its limitations.  But like homeless people, homosexuals are often shunned, maligned, feared and misunderstood.  Well, colleagues, just as Tony the Evangelist found Christ in a homeless man on the streets of Philadelphia, we could find Christ in our gay brothers and lesbian sisters, if we would only make the effort to reach out to them, even as they try desperately, quietly, to reach out to us.  

There are far too many outcasts in our society.  Homosexuals, like the homeless, are people weÂ’d rather not think about, rather not see, rather not reach out to.  And thatÂ’s because they appear different, and their difference makes us uncomfortable and even afraid.

But our discomfort is no reason to deny other individuals their basi c civil rights.  The state of Iowa does not have veto power over your choice of a marriage partner.  Why should the state of Iowa deny gay or lesbian people the right to marry the ones they love?

In closing, Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask you to join me in voting “NO” on this very anti-marriage bill.  A “NO” vote is to offer a warm, accepting embrace.  A “YES” vote is merely kicking someone whoÂ’s already down.