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Main Page  »  Humor
View Article  SCIENTISTS DOUBT EXISTENCE OF DEMOCRATS
SCIENTISTS DOUBT EXISTENCE OF DEMOCRATS

The Borowitz Report

Opposition Party Could Be Black Hole, Experts Say

With George W. Bush’s approval ratings plummeting in recent weeks, the inability on the part of Democrats to capitalize on [Bush]’s waning fortunes has caused some leading scientists to postulate that the Democratic Party may not exist at all.

Dr. Marisa Drazin, a leading scientist who for years has been questioning the existence of Democrats, said today that what many have thought to be the Democratic Party may in fact be nothing more than a black hole.

“When [Bush] loses ten or twelve approval points, one would normally expect those approval points to go to the opposition party,” Dr. Drazin said. “But instead, those points have vanished into thin air, leading one to conclude that the so-called Democratic Party does not exist."

Theories about the nonexistence of the Democratic Party are nothing new, said Dr. Drazin, who pointed out that scientists first developed them during the 1988 presidential campaign of then-Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis. 

While the silence of the Democratic Party in recent weeks seems to bolster theories of the party’s nonexistence, she said, there are still some nagging pieces of evidence to the contrary, such as the perpetually outspoken DNC chairman, former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean.

“I’ve discussed the Howard Dean phenomenon with my colleagues,” Dr. Drazin said. “And it’s the consensus of the scientific community that there is no logical explanation for Howard Dean.”

(source)

View Article  Advice To Mr. Bush From a Member of the 'Reality-Based' Community
   Advice To Mr. Bush From a Member of the 'Reality-Based' Community

HBO:  Real Time with Bill Maher

contributed by Boris Botero

Bill Maher's closing words from a recent Real Time With Bill Maher show. 


"Mr. [Bush], this job can't be fun for you any more.  There's no more money to spend - you used up all of that.  You can't start another war because you used up the army.  And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people.

Listen to your Mom.  The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out.  No one's speaking to you.  Mission accomplished.

"Now it's time to do what you've always done best:  lose interest and walk away.  Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team.  It's time.  Time to move on and try the next fantasy job.  How about cowboy or space man?  Now I know what you're saying:  there's so many other things that you...could involve yourself in.  Please don't.  I know, I know.  There's a lot left to do.  There's a war with Venezuela.  Eliminating the sales tax on yachts.  Turning the space program over to the church.  And Social Security to Fannie Mae.  Giving embryos the vote. 

"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now.  Why?  Because you govern like Billy Joel drives.  You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal.  You're a catastrophe that walks like a man.  Herbert Hoover was a  [lousy] president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes. 

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of
New Orleans.  Maybe you're just not lucky.  I'm not saying you don't love this country.  I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

"So, yes, God does speak to you.  What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' "

(source)


   Last Chance to Vote!

You have until 4:00 today (Saturday, September 24th) to vote for two great Iowa candidates for the Democracy for America endorsement. 
Click here to vote  for Dave Loebsack  (2nd District) and Bruce Braley (1st District).  You do not have to live in either district to vote.

View Article  Jon Stewart Lets Bush Have It
Jon Stewart Lets Bush Have It


Yeah, Jon Stewart thinks judging Arabian horses is excellent preparation for running the Federal Emergency Management Agency.  What?  Me, I wonder just how many emergencies Arabian horses can have?

See the four-and-a-half minute clip from The Daily Show here.


You'll probably have to use Internet Explorer to get this clip to play.

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