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Friday, September 24
A Little Late Night Humor
by
Linda Thieman
on Fri 24 Sep 2004 11:54 AM CDT
 A Little Late Night Humor
While I was over visiting the Woodbury County Dems website, I ran into some more late night humor I thought I'd share with you.
* * * * *
“The
White House is scrambling to bolster Bush’s image. They are now saying
that while it is true he didn’t go to Vietnam, he did attend an early
screening of ‘Apocalypse Now.’”
--Jay Leno
“Now the
candidates are arguing over the exact format these debates will take.
Kerry wants to stand behind a podium, while Bush wants to stand behind
Dick Cheney.”
--Jay Leno
“John
Kerry criticized Bush for not renewing the ban on assault weapons.
Well, you can understand why Bush doesn’t want to renew the ban. These
are the first weapons of mass destruction that he’s been able to find.”
--Jay Leno
“Political pundits are saying George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.”
--David Letterman
“According
to a global poll, if the world could vote for president of the United
States, they would choose John Kerry over George W. Bush. However, when
the poll includes the federation of planets, then Ralph Nader wins.”
--Jay Leno
Oh, that one really cracked me up.
"Dick Cheney said that if John Kerry wins, there will be another attack. Then Cheney said, if Bush wins, I'll call it off."
--Conan O'Brien
* * * * *
"In a
shocking new book by Kitty Kelley, acquaintances of George W. Bush say
that when he was in the National Guard, he liked to sneak out back for
a joint or go in the bathroom and do cocaine. Isn't that unbelievable?
They actually found people who saw Bush in the National Guard."
--Jay Leno
"According
to a new book, when George W. Bush was on National Guard duty he would
sometimes sneak off to smoke marijuana and snort cocaine. When he heard
this, Bush said, 'That's ridiculous. I never showed up for National
Guard duty.'"
--Conan O'Brien
“Bush
said today he has no plans to read that new book that trashes him by
Kitty Kelly. Asked why he wasn’t going to read it, Bush said, well,
because it’s a book.”
--Jay Leno
* * * * *
"According
to the polls taken right after the convention, Bush is way up, way up
in the polls. In fact, they said if the election were held today, the
Supreme Court would re-elect him 7 to 2, which is better than last
time."
--Jay Leno
"Bush
and Kerry both focused on the battleground state of Ohio. See, Bush
knows no Republican has ever won the White House without winning Ohio.
Of course, before Bush, no Republican had ever won the White House
without winning the election."
--Jay Leno
Friday, September 17
A Trip Down Memory Lane: The 2003 Virtual Steak Fry
by
Linda Thieman
on Fri 17 Sep 2004 08:13 AM CDT
 A Trip Down Memory Lane: The 2003 Virtual Steak Fry
by Linda Thieman
One year
ago this week, while Senator Harkin was having a wet and muddy steak
fry in an Indianola balloon field, a group of Dean bloggers gathered
together on Blog for America. We attended what came to be known
as the Virtual Steak Fry. Some watched the coverage of the actual
Steak Fry on C-Span, while others listened over the Internet. But
all of us blogged, having a silly old time and making fun of most of the
presidential candidates. (OK, I’ll fess up – I organized the
thing and I’ve never lived it down, either.)
Here’s how it came about:
Just
a few days ago, late last Friday night and long into the wee hours of
Saturday morning, a group of happy Dean supporters were busy blogging
away to their hearts' content. Senator Tom Harkin's upcoming Steak Fry
in Iowa was all the rage. It's an annual big-name draw in which anyone
can participate. Not only do you get a delicious, juicy steak
(chopped meat?) - you get to rub elbows with the likes of
former President Bill Clinton and the current roster of Democratic
candidates for president.
So,
that night on the Blog for America, the still-sleepless Deaniacs came
up with a great idear: Why not have a simultaneous Virtual Steak Fry on
the blog for those who cannot attend in person? Later Saturday morning,
when I tuned into the blog, I volunteered to host the Virtual Steak
Fry.
I placed
a few phone calls to Iowans for Dean and HQ in Vermont, and everyone
was quite pleased to help put the Virtual Steak Fry together for us.
Everyone
is welcome to drop into the blog at this time for the first-ever,
officially-planned blog meeting - or as Clare Gannon with Iowans For
Dean put it: "Bringing Meet Up back to the Internet!"
Clare
has arranged to blog with us right from the site of Senator Harkin's
Actual Steak Fry. (Did I mention the Dean staffers are now referring to
us as "Virtual Steak Fryers?" Mm hmm. But, you already knew this
campaign was a lot of fun!)
Of
course, you will not be getting one of those juicy Iowa steaks (sic) at the
Virtual Steak Fry like those who attend Senator Harkin's Steak Fry
will. However, as part of the Virtual Steak Fry, we will be compiling
the Virtual Steak Fry Dean Bloggers' Barbeque Recipe and Howard Dean
Haiku Booklet (because I couldn't think of an even longer name that was
suitable).
We raised about $1,800 for Gov. Dean on that little project.
To download your own personal copy of the Virtual Steak Fry Dean Bloggers' Barbeque Recipe and Howard Dean Haiku Booklet, click here.
It’s in PDF format, and takes 13 pieces of paper to print out, front
and back. (Then you fold it half and make a little booklet.
I suggest using 24 lb. bond.)
Virtual Steak Fry Winning Recipe
Since
the good Governor hates waste, this recipe might appeal to him. Two
summers past, a fabulous backyard fruit crop was ruined by the worst
hailstorm in years. I didn't have the heart to throw out the battered
nectarines that still clung to the trees. Miraculously, they ripened.
Each one looked like Rocky after the fight; they weren't the fruit to
put in a lunch box or offer to guests. But a sale on salmon and a
little risk taking yielded, pun intended:
Salmon in Stoned Fruit
For each pound of salmon:
1 cup cubed nectarines
2 T Tamari
2 T crystallized ginger
1. Soak ginger in soy sauce until softened. If necessary, add a tablespoon or more water
2. Place fruit, Tamari and ginger in the blender and blend until smooth.
3. Cover salmon with mixture and refrigerate overnight.
4. In aluminum foil or a covered pan, grill on low heat until done. This is about 25 minutes for a 5 lb. fillet on our grill.
Nectarines need not be battered by hail for this to work!
Contributing blogger: nance in nm, Winning Recipe
Virtual Steak Fry Winning Haiku
Old pols, faced with spring,
Hack at branches of new hope. . .
But hope grows too fast.
by Kathy from West Texas
Wednesday, September 15
Ottumwa: Al Franken Pulls Same Size Crowd as Cheney
by
Linda Thieman
on Wed 15 Sep 2004 04:25 AM CDT
 Ottumwa: Al Franken Pulls Same Size Crowd as Cheney
By Linda Thieman
Well, in
the national competition of whose crowd size is bigger than whose, it
was a draw, with Al Franken and Dick Cheney each pulling in 250
supporters in Ottumwa on Sunday and Monday, respectively.
Franken’s supporters attended his event voluntarily while Cheney kept
his roped in with sharpshooters trained on them so they wouldn’t run
away.
Franken, who the Des Moines Register describes
as “left-leaning” (oh, come on, for heaven’s sake – if this guy leaned
any further to the left, he’d fall off the planet), worried aloud that
Cheney was going to threaten Ottumwa with nuclear holocaust if Kerry
were elected. Not that there isn’t some precedent for that kind
of idle threat, mind you.
Cheney,
on Monday, for his part, talked about boring stuff and made up a lot of
lies, so he didn’t really say anything new like that whopper he let
loose with last week in Des Moines. However, he did continue to
talk out of the side of his mouth, and sometimes, he even talked out of
both sides at the same time. That was a particular crowd pleaser.
One wishes the junta would not come through Iowa so very often. It’s really messing with the vibes of the state.
Wednesday, September 8
Bush v. English Language
by
Linda Thieman
on Wed 08 Sep 2004 04:36 AM CDT
 Bush v. English Language
I
don't usually copy things directly off Blog for America, but this was
just too good to pass up. My thanks to Mike Yedinak over at DFA
for compiling the latest Bushisms for us to laugh/cringe/cry over. And ladies... watch out for
those doctors!
George Bush lost another battle with the English Language the other day, the second of the Labor Day weekend.
Monday,
he complained that "too many good docs are getting out of business. Too
many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across
this country." Apparently, Bush was never briefed on a
gynecologist's job description.
Earlier
in the weekend, Bush made a Freudian slip during a speech in Erie,
Pennsylvania, when he explained last year's $87 billion appropriation
for "armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel."
It was
the third such telling slip in a month. On August 9th, Bush pronounced
the following. "Let me put it to you bluntly," he said. "In a changing
world, we want more people to have control over your own life."
This
followed the statement on August 5th that "our enemies never stop
thinking about new ways to hurt our country, and neither do we."
You
remember how the other day when Bush called the war in Iraq a
"catastrophic success," and John Edwards exclaimed, "He doesn't know
what he's saying!" Well, Edwards does seem to have a good point
there. Is it any wonder that Bush is scared to do press conferences and petrified to speak in public?
Thursday, September 2
Watching The Fake News
by
Linda Thieman
on Thu 02 Sep 2004 04:46 AM CDT
Watching The Fake News
By Linda Thieman
Somewhere
– two or three different places, to be more precise – I read that a
large number of Americans get their news from The Daily Show on the
cable channel Comedy Central. This is an amazing “factoid” since
Comedy Central actually advertises their nightly newscast as “Fake
News,” as opposed to Fox News, which pretends they are telling the
truth.
So,
taking my responsibility to Blog for Iowa readers very seriously, I
decided to do a little investigation – to go into it with my eyes wide
open, as it were – and subject myself to convention coverage from
several different media outlets.
First, I
watched the convention coverage on Headline News. It lasted two
minutes and then switched to something even more gory and disgusting,
so I turned it off.
I
considered watching further coverage on another network, to really get
the lay of the land and give my investigation a fair shake, but decided
to have some cheese and crackers instead.
Then, I
watched The Daily Show for a full ten minutes. Hands down, the
coverage on Comedy Central far surpassed that of all the other
channels... I mean, that one other channel I watched.
Here are
some of the highlights from the first night’s convention coverage,
called “Indecision 2004,” on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
Jon Stewart, Anchor: What did you make of [Monday night’s] focus on September 11th?
Stephen Colbert, Senior Convention Analyst:
Well, remember, Jon, 9/11 and its aftermath bring to mind a time of
unprecedented national unity when, from the crucible of an unthinkable
national tragedy, there arose a steely patriotism transcending ideology
and partisanship. That stuff kills in the swing states.
Those NASCAR dads suck it down in a feeding tube.
Stewart: So, you had no problem with it.
Colbert:
Jon, I found it “crass-tastic.” The message was delivered by
Republicans’ most popular figures, John McCain and Rudolph Giuliani,
two men of bravery and leadership, qualities the pResident would very
much like associated with him.
Stewart: Well, Stephen, let me ask you this. What is [Tuesday night’s] theme?
Colbert:
[Tuesday night], Jon, they took [Monday night’s] theme, a Bush victory
would bring closure to the 9/11 families, and built on it with a theme
of compassion. We heard from widows, orphans, the enfeebled, the
limbless – all raising their voice in support of the pResident, whose
compassion, like the Olympics, triumphantly springs forth every four
years. You see, it all goes with the overall theme of this
convention: a time for unmitigated gall.
Stewart: But Stephen, to be perfectly fair, aren’t all political conventions manipulative?
Colbert:
No, Jon, to call this convention “manipulative” is to call Marcel
Marceau “a little quiet.” These people are artists, operating at
the peak of their abilities. For example, take Thursday night’s
theme: f--- you, what are you going to do about it?
Wednesday, September 1
Scandal Rocks DFA: Some Calling It TieGate
by
Linda Thieman
on Wed 01 Sep 2004 05:01 AM CDT
Scandal Rocks DFA: Some Calling It TieGate
By Linda Thieman
It was reported yesterday on Blog for America
that DFA Communications Director Laura Gross is thisclose to losing her
job over the disappearance of Gov. Howard Dean’s favorite tie.
Gross
went public with the fiasco just last night, but the tie actually went
missing the week of August 2nd while Gov. Dean was hosting “Topic A
with Tina Brown” in a New Jersey studio.
Gross
claimed she had been put in charge of four ties that day so that the
former Vermont governor could try several alternatives to see which one
looked best on camera.
 
Dean wearing the tie in question (left) and
the $65 replacement suggested by the Crushies.
The tie
in question was a sentimental favorite of Dean’s, having been a gift
from his mother AND the tie that he wore when he gave his speech at the
Democratic National Convention and in all the Democratic presidential
debates.
The missing tie was dark blue with a small whale pattern.
Authorities,
suspicious that only the whale tie went missing, suspect something
fishy – perhaps a right-wing conspiracy - and in spite of retracing
Gross’ steps, came up with nothing but a cold, wet, slimy theory.
The Crushies for Dean,
on the other hand, jumped into action and found a reasonable facsimile
of the tie for sale on the web. The fact that the copy is silk
makes it pretty pricy, but the Crushies intend to put up a bat to take
up a collection to replace the missing cravate.
One
Crushie, sensing a golden opportunity, asked Gross if it would be
possible for her to also lose the Governor’s other favorite tie, the
red one with the jelly beans on it. Gross has declined to comment
on the request.
TieGate has replaced the Republican National Convention as the top
story on every newscast and on the front page of every newspaper in
America, while CNN has shown photos of Dean wearing the tie some 697
times in just under 12 hours.
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