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Main Page  »  Humor
View Article  Deserter's Delight: An Open Letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush
Deserter's Delight: An Open Letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush

AlterNet.org

Dear Mr. Bush: It takes real courage to desert your post and then attack a wounded vet.

Dear Mr. Bush,

I know you and I have had our differences in the past, and I realize I am the one who started this whole mess about "who did what" during Vietnam when I brought up that "deserter" nonsense back in January. But I have to hand it to you on what you have uncovered about John Kerry and his record in Vietnam. Kerry has tried to pass himself off as a war hero, but thanks to you and your friends, we now know the truth.

First of all, thank you for pointing out to all of us that Mr. Kerry was never struck by a BULLET. It was only SHRAPNEL that entered his body! I did not know that! Hell, what's the big deal about a bunch of large, sharp, metal shards ripping open your flesh? That happens to all of us! In my opinion, if you want a purple heart, you'd better be hit by a bullet – with your name on it!

Secondly, thank you for sending Bob Dole out there and letting us know that Mr. Kerry, though wounded three times, actually "never spilled blood." When you are in the debates with Kerry, turn to him and say, "Dammit, Mr. Kerry, next time you want a purple heart, you better spill some American red blood! And I don't mean a few specks like those on O.J.'s socks – we want to see a good pint or two of blood for each medal. In fact, I would have preferred that you had bled profusely, a big geyser of blood spewing out of your neck or something!" Then throw this one at him: "Senator Kerry, over 58,000 brave Americans gave their lives in Vietnam – but YOU didn't. You only got WOUNDED! What do you have to say for yourself???" Lay that one on him and he won't know what to do.

Click here to read the rest of Moore's letter.


View Article  Setting Back Women's Rights
Setting Back Women's Rights

by Ellen Goodman, Boston.com

It's been 84 years since women won the right to vote, but the only women in the race for White House housing are ladies, as in first lady....American women, under their venerable old Constitution, will hold only 13.8 percent of the congressional seats [this year].

"Failure is impossible," said Susan B. Anthony. But she forgot to mention how slow success could be.

With this in mind we assembled our one-woman committee to pick winners for the Equal Rites Awards. The ERAs are given annually to those who have done their most to set back the cause of equality.

The envelopes please.

The Super Bowl of Sexism trophy goes to those folks at the NFL and the FCC who were shocked (!) when their halftime programming - erectile dysfunction ads, crotch-biting dogs, half-clad cheerleaders - was interrupted by Janet Jackson's overexposure. Umm, anybody notice that Justin Timberlake had a hand in the "wardrobe malfunction"?

Ah well, Boys will be Boys and Arnold will be Schwarzenegger. The former Terminator and alleged serial groper gets the boytoy prize for his critique of the Democratic leadership in Sacramento: "I call them girlie men." We send the legislators - male and female - sand to kick in his face.

If you think Arnold deserves his booby prize, you haven't met Republican Representative Bill Tauzin of Louisiana, who included a pet project in the energy bill that would help subsidize a Hooters restaurant in Louisiana. We send him a push-up bra nicely inscribed: Your Tax Dollars At Work.

The private sector has its own boobs. So the Mixed Messenger Prize goes to the restaurant owner in West Branch, Iowa, who on one hand sponsored wet T-shirt contests. On the other hand, he refused to let a woman breast feed her baby at her table. We send him what he needs, a pacifier. [Must have been a Republican.]

(Click here to read the rest of the article.)


View Article  BUSH MISLEADS ON CONNECTION TO SMEAR CAMPAIGN
BUSH MISLEADS ON CONNECTION TO SMEAR CAMPAIGN

The Daily Mislead

George W. Bush has adamantly denied any connection to discredited and unsubstantial attack ads, run by the so-called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth (SBVT), a group that aims to smear John Kerry's record of honorable military service. On Friday, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said that the White House and the Bush/Cheney campaign "weren't involved in any way in these [SBVT] ads."[1]

McClellan neglected to mention that Kenneth Cordier, who appears prominently in the SBVT ads, was a member of the Bush/Cheney veterans steering committee.[2]  According to the campaign website, members of the veterans steering committee "serve as messengers for the pResident's re-[selection] campaign."[3]  After the Kerry campaign exposed Cordier's involvement, a spokesman for Bush, Steve Schmidt, announced Cordier would "no longer participate" in the campaign.[4]  According to Schmidt, the campaign had no idea that Cordier was involved in the SBVT ads - which have been a major issue in the campaign for weeks and replayed repeatedly on national television.

Also skipped over by McClellan: The primary financial backer of the SBVT is Bob Perry - the top donor to Republicans in the state of Texas.[5]  Perry has also been a friend of Karl Rove, Bush's top political advisor, for nearly 20 years.[6]  Perry ponied up $46,000 for Bush's gubernatorial campaigns and contributed generously to Bush's presidential races.[7]

Sources:
1. "Press Gaggle by Scott McClellan," The White House, 08/20/04, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51520.
2. "Bush Campaign Drops Swift Boat Ad Figure," The Washington Post, 8/22/04, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51521.
3. "U.S. Rep. Jim Gibbons Announces Nevada Veterans for Bush Leadership Team," GeorgeWBush.com, 8/20/04, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51522.
4. "Bush Campaign Drops Swift Boat Ad Figure," Washington Post, 8/22/04, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51521.
5. "Ad Wars: Behind an Attack on Kerry," International Herald Tribune, 8/20/04, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51523.
6. Ibid, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51523.
7. Ibid, http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1195992&l=51523.

Visit www.Misleader.org for more about Bush Administration distortion.


And speaking of Bush misleading, this biting humor is from the Woodbury County Democratic Party website:

"Bush the younger has two things going for him that his father never had: one, an easy charm with regular people and two, the power to make them disappear without a trial."
--Bill Maher


"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam."
--Jay Leno

"Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'"
--Craig Kilborn

"This week the Bush campaign unveiled its new slogan. The new slogan is 'We've Turned A Corner And We're Not Turning Back.' This replaces their old slogan 'Do What Dick Cheney Says And Nobody Gets Hurt.'"
-—Conan O'Brien

"The L.A. Times reports that al Qaeda terrorists have been traced to Iran, and Bush is talking tough. In fact, he said he will attack the minute he has evidence his approval rating is under 45 percent."
-—Jay Leno

"A lot of people are wondering if these terror threats are politically motivated and today Tom Ridge said in a press conference: We don't do politics in the Department of Homeland Security. Our job is to identify the threat and then assign it a pretty little color to go with it."
-—Jay Leno

View Article  And A Big Thumbs Up to Steve King, in an Iraqi Sort of Way, That Is
And A Big Thumbs Up to Steve King, in an Iraqi Sort of Way, That Is

IDP website

That shameful, party-line-voting neo-con Steve King, a cultural misunderstanding, and more embarrassment

During his stump speech at the Iowa State Fair [last] week, Congressman Steve King [IA-5th district] said he believes the Iraqi people are very supportive of American involvement in Iraq. King said he knows this because while he was visiting the country this summer, he was given an enthusiastic “thumbs up” by the Iraqi people.

King said that while he was traveling in a military convoy in Iraq, he gave a friendly wave to the Iraqis who lined the streets, watching the convoy pass. King said that many of the men responded by giving him a “thumbs up.” King said at the fair that those thumbs up prove that the Iraqis support America efforts in their country. King said he even has a videotape that records these thumbs up.

Iowa Democratic Party Chair Gordon Fischer said, “Perhaps Congressman King should review his own video again. In Iraq, a thumbs up isn’t a gesture of support. It’s a nasty insult.”

According to Roger E. Axtell's book Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World, a “'thumbs up' traditionally translates as the foulest of Iraqi insults. A gentle translation would be '-- y--rs, pal!'"

“While King's misinterpretation is amusing, the gestures of a few people on the street aren’t the issue, and neither are the ramblings of Iowa’s most misguided congressman,” Fischer said. “What is important is that we have dedicated men and women in harm’s way in a dangerous part of the world, and an occupied foreign land in turmoil. We have a pResident who went to war without a plan to finish the job, and an Iowa Congressman who is so far off target and misinformed that it is difficult to take seriously anything he says about these important issues.”

“Iowans in the 5th District deserve better representation in Congress than are getting from Steve King. Joyce Schulte is an intelligent, informed and passionate candidate. She will be far more representative of Western Iowa than Steve King could ever hope to be.” 


Source
View Article  Queerer Alert
  Queerer Alert

by Cam Lindquist, 365gay.com

A dash of humor with some good sharp points thrown in

...I am one to err on the side of caution nine out of ten times, but these constant terror alerts have to make you wonder if they are just blowing smoke in our faces to keep us wondering.

So between this terror issue and the attack on the gay community through legislation I think it is time for us, the GLBTI & Friends community, to fight back! And of course, I have a plan.

Just for a refresher, here are the government's five levels of terror alerts:

* Low (Green) - low risks of terrorist attacks
* Guarded (Blue) - general risk of terrorist attacks
* Elevated (Yellow) - significant risks of terrorist attacks
* High (Orange) - high risks of terrorist attacks
* Severe (Red) - severe risk of terrorist attacks

I think that the gay community, in response to attacks on us, should issue the Queerer Alerts. Alerts which will let the conservative community know what they should expect to see in their streets and on their TV's should they continue to viciously attack GLBTI American Citizens.

* Low (Metallic Emerald) - low risks of queer uproar
* Guarded (Slate) - general risk of queer uproar
* Elevated (Sunflower) - significant risks of queer uproar
* High (Rust) - high risks of queer uproar
* Severe (Magenta) - severe risk of queer uproar
* Extreme (Fuchsia) - extreme risk of queer uproar

You may have noticed two things about our list in comparison to theirs. First, I made our list as vague as theirs. After all why should they have an advantage over the rest of us when dealing with alerts? If GW can arbitrarily increase the level because no real definition exists, so can we!

...For our clarification here within the community, here are some examples of what I see as situations that might call for levels of Queerer Alert. I am going to leave you with this list as my final thought. Because if you think my list is ridiculous, just consider where I got the idea from - Good ole GW.

* Low (Metallic Emerald) - Massachusetts, home of the Democratic National Convention and currently the exclusive state (actually they are a commonwealth) that provides marital rights to gay couples, would be under low risk of queer uproar. They should expect an influx of gay people to pour revenue into their state through the tourist industry and local GLBTI people spending money at home instead of abroad.

Read the whole essay here.

View Article  Will Ferrell's Campaign Ad Parody
Will Ferrell's Campaign Ad Parody


Watch Will Ferrell of Saturday Night Live do his Gee Dubya impersonation in a great campaign ad parody produced by ACT.

"pResidenting is haaaaarrrrrrrd."

It's called Straight Talk! from White House West in Crawford, Texas.

Go here to view the ad.

While you're there, sign the petition to prevent fraud in political advertising, too.  Just scroll down.



Here's another clip to try.  From a totally unrelated site, it's Dick Cheney doing a parody of a living person, called "Dick Cheney's Alive."  It's sort of funny.



Here's the winning ad from MoveOn PAC that's going to be shown during the GOP convention.  This one is dead sober.



View Article  Marine Displays Opinion on Bush and National Debt
Marine Displays Opinion on
Bush and National Debt



Photo taken by Celeste Drury North of Clear Lake

While out campaigning with Dean Dozen candidate John Drury on Saturday, Celeste Drury took this interesting photo.  Apparently the owner of the truck is a retired (or maybe active) Marine who has some strong opinions about that good ol' boy, Gee Dubya.

View Article  Our Fearful Mis-leader Mis-speaks Again!
Our Fearful Mis-leader Mis-speaks Again!


Signing a defense spending bill yesterday, George W-for-I-Wonder-Where-he-got-his-education Bush declared that America's terrorist enemies "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people" - then he added, "And neither do we."

Bush often admits to being linguistically challenged. When asked about the comment, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, "Even the most straightforward and plain-spoken people misspeak." McClellan earned his pay the hard way, keeping a straight face the entire time, although heaven appeared to have come crashing down when he called the mendacious Pinocchio "straightforward."

Source: WPVI.com


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