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#AskBobby: An Internet Adventure In Hilarity

Jindal is probably in there someplace

Jindal is probably in there someplace

Hey, it’s a holiday weekend. Not just a holiday weekend, but one of the big holidays of the year. If there is one legacy in America that I love is the irreverence with which Americans have always viewed their politicians. When some politician tries to puff themselves up like an overblown balloon it seems there have always been Americans nearby with a pin to let the air out.

Puffing about accomplishments that don’t exist and blaming others for problems they caused has been typical fair especially for those on the Republican side. Wednesday the staff of one of those self-aggrandizing Republicans who will be spending a lot of time in Iowa because he thinks so much of himself that he is running for president, came up with a brilliant idea. Let’s put up a twitter thread to let our man take questions from the people.

The candidate is Piyush (Bobby) Jindal currently governor of Louisiana and new part time citizen of Iowa. The Twitter thread is here. The American people were up to the challenge of deflating the overblown balloon that has characterized Jindal’s view of himself and his accomplishments. So with sharpened wits they had at the puffery with great success. Here are a few. Enjoy in the grand American tradition of bringing overblown heads back down to size.

Warning: excessive laughing may result in sore ribs and crying.

Chris Murphy ‏@NotOnMurphsTurf 2h2 hours ago
#AskBobby Why would anyone vote for you nationally when you have been completely disinterested and ineffectual at the state level?

Gothwave ‏@GothwaveLtd 3h3 hours ago
#AskBobby When Jesus delivered the constitution did He want to be President?

Vance Nickelson ‏@vnick72 21h21 hours ago
#AskBobby Who do you hate more: teachers, state workers, women, gays, or poor people? Does it help if someone is a member of more than 1 ?

Bryan Behar ‏@bryanbehar 23h23 hours ago
#AskBobby So you say state employees can deny same-sex marriage licenses? Are we free to choose which laws to obey? (Tweeted while driving)

Mrs. Betty Bowers ‏@BettyBowers Jun 30
#askbobby Are you peeved with Jeb for using a fake name that panders to the redneck Republican base even better than your fake name?

EqualityRising! ‏@EqualityRising_ Jun 30
#AskBobby Will your religious objection directive allow Clerks to withhold divorcees & non-virgins Marriage licenses?

NonProphetess ‏@nonprophetess Jun 30
#AskBobby – @BobbyJindal If gays get married and no conservatives are around to throw a fit, does it still violate their religious freedom?

Larry ‏@LarryLarmeu Jun 30
If you’re going to spend 5 days a week in Iowa can we put the gov mansion on AirBnB & make up some of the deficit you’ve created? #AskBobby

NonProphetess ‏@nonprophetess Jun 30
#AskBobby – @BobbyJindal Is the cognitive dissonance of having a biology degree and being viciously anti-science overwhelming?

Zack Kopplin ‏@ZackKopplin Jun 30
.@BobbyJindal if I sail too far will I fall off the edge of the Earth? #AskBobby

Bearded Stoner ‏@beardedstoner Jun 30
Many have responded to the news of your candidacy with laughter. Thoughts? #AskBobby

Note: This is also a reminder of how important a neutral internet is. With corporations owning all other media (radio, TV, newspapers magazines) it is vital for democracy to survive to keep the internet out of corporate hands.

Sunday Funday: 15 Minutes Of Fame Edition

Happy 4th of July

IT IS A MAJOR HOLIDAY WEEKEND. You guys really don’t expect the old quizmaster to work too hard do you? So let’s relax with a little quiz to remind you how much you have forgotten over the years.

Today we will bring up some names or places related to politics in some ways, some may be new some may be dated a bit. But at one time these names were in our memories due to at least some interest from our mainstream media. Don’t think too hard, it is a holiday:

1) The Southern Avenger

2) Dan Cathy

3) Christine O’Donnell

4) Maureen McDonnell

5) Robert Bork

6) Dave Brat

7) Anita Hill

8) Kaci Hickox

9) Heather Poe

10) Scott Phillip Roeder

11) Piyush

12) Matt Schultz

13) Kent Snyder

14) Harriet Miers

15) Monica Goodling

16) Rob Ford

17) Boris Nemtsov

18) Alexis Tsipras

19) Sandra Fluke

20) Paula Broadwell

Some of those neurons tingling toward the back of the head? Quite a sensation isn’t it. If you have Obamacare you can have it checked tomorrow.
Answers:

1) advisor to Rand Paul and radio DJ who had to leave the campaign because of racist statements. In news recently for saying confederate flag must go.

2) CEO of Chik-fil-a who made statements opposing gay marriage thus involving his company in the political spotlight.

3) “I am not a witch” tea partier O’Donnell ran for senate in Delaware in 2012

4) Wife of former Virginia governor Bob McDonnell convicted of accepting bribes while first lady of VA.

5) Nominated for SCOTUS in 1987, his defeat led to Anthony Kennedy being on the court today

6) Extreme right winger who defeated the unbeatable Eric Cantor in Republican primary last year for congress seat.

7) Former staffer of Clarence Thomas testified to his sexual harassment at confirmation hearings.

8) Nurse who was ordered confined by NJ governor Christie when she returned from West Africa on concerns of ebola contamination

9) Wife of Mary Cheney. Opposition to gay marriage became a major issue to budding politician Liz Cheney

10) Murderer of women’s health doctor Robert Tiller

11) Bobby Jindal’s real first name

12) Iowa’s previous secretary of state. Most noted for trying to purge voters from Iowa rolls

13) Campaign manager for Ron Paul in 2012. Paul hated the ACA. Snyder died of pneumonia because he could not get insurance (previous conditions) and waited too long to see a doctor. Left half a million in medical bills.

14) Nominee to replace Sandra Day O’Connor on SCOTUS by GWB. Considered a joke by everyone.

15) Justice department lawyer involved in firing US attorneys based on political views.

16) Former right wing mayor of Toronto Ontario. Noted for drug incidents and outrageous statements while mayor

17) Political opponent of Vladimir Putin shot to death in broad daylight in Moscow last year

18) current premier of Greece whose name you may hear daily but didn’t know how to spell

19) Georgetown law student whose testimony to a congressional committee on birth control pills led to attacks on air by Rush Limbaugh. These attacks have led to Limbaugh losing many outlets.

20) biographer and lover of Gen. David Petraeus. His revelation of military secrets to her led to his disgrace

Enjoy the FIFA women’s championship tonight. Should be a good match.

Questions Related To The Confederate Flag Situation

Time to ride off into the sunset

Time to ride off into the sunset

Celebrating our country’s birthday we thought that some questions need to be asked as a follow up to the recent question that was spurred by the happenings in Charleston, SC:
“Why are government buildings in the US flying the flag from a treasonous group?”

These questions are also simple:
“Why do the governments of some states have holidays that honor traitors?
“Why are government buildings such as schools named after traitors such as Robert E. Lee or Jefferson Davis?”
“Why are there monuments to traitors to our country?”

In a stunning fallout of the racially driven murders in Charleston, SC, many Americans finally awoke to the fact that the flag of a treasonous group still flies in many places often sanctioned by the local and state governments. When Americans finally awoke to these flags flying, they also realized that the state supporting this flag is wrong.

In a similar vein, it appears to be time to examine all the state supported support of vestiges of the Confederate states. Private citizens may certainly do so if they desire, but tax money nor state approval should be given to those who committed treason. And such support definitely not go to those who supported the cause of maintaining slavery. It is well beyond time that their legacies be consigned to museums.

We do not have any Benedict Arnold Elementary schools in this country nor monuments to him. Germany has nothing honoring Rommel. Similarly, we should not have honors for men like Lee or Davis.

July 4th Perspective From Frederick Douglass

One of the major tensions in this country is the wide gap between our ideals as espoused in documents such as the Declaration of Independence which we celebrate today and the reality of life in the United States. Certainly the signature line of the Declaration that most Americans can quote by heart – “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” – is at the very foundation of that tension. How can all men (I would opine that this does include women) be equal if the many laws of this country have been set up over the decades to produce unequal outcomes based on things such as race, gender, religious choice and financial status among them.

Here is a clip that has James Earl Jones reading an excerpt from a speech by Frederick Douglass. The address was on July 4th of 1852, less than a decade before the Civil War. While slavery specifically ended, inequalities have persisted throughout our history, often aided by laws and court decisions that are meant to keep our citizens unequal.

Have a safe Fourth. Celebrate and enjoy our country. But give a thought to what you can do to help the country achieve its ideals.

PSA From Progress Iowa For Independence Day

How-To: Talk to your Conservative Uncle at 4th of July!

By Progress Iowa

Discuss confidently with your Conservative Uncle as he goes through the 5 stages of SCOTUS Grief

As you spend time with friends and family this holiday weekend, you know what’s coming: the conversation you can’t avoid with your conservative Uncle.

He’ll usually corner you about the latest conspiracy theory invented by Rush Limbaugh, but this holiday might just be different —> after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage and upheld Obamacare last week, your conservative Uncle will probably be reeling in grief.

How you discuss health care and marriage equality with him will depend on which of the 5 stages of grief he’s experiencing: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, or acceptance.

five stages of conservative grief

five stages of conservative grief

As always, we’re here to help, no matter which of the 5 stages he’s experiencing:

Stage 1: ANGER
Many Republican Presidential candidates find themselves in this stage [Source: ThinkProgress], so it won’t be surprising if your conservative Uncle is here as well. He may claim that the Court didn’t have this authority and that the Justices should be elected.
Our advice: remind him about the three branches of government, checks and balances, and the need for one branch to be independent and free from politics. If that doesn’t work, show him this Schoolhouse Rock video that breaks it down simply.

Stage 2: DENIAL
This is the stage that can be most difficult to break through, if he genuinely believes the Court’s ruling won’t stick. Your conservative Uncle may have fallen under the spell of the Fox News bubble —> the more information he digests, the less informed he becomes [Source: Business Insider].
Our advice: let him know that regardless of what he thinks, this is happening. And the polls are already in — large majorities support both of last week’s Supreme Court decisions [Source: CNN]. Suggest that he change the channel to anything but Fox News, where he’ll discover that marriage equality and affordable health care are here to stay!

Stage 3: BARGAINING
Once he’s accepted that these rulings have taken effect, your conservative Uncle may think states can revolt, or there may be some other solution to get rid of the rulings.
Our advice: remind him that Obamacare has been law since 2010, and three fourths of the country were already living in states where same-sex marriage was legal before last week, the few who are trying to resist are quickly coming to terms with the fact that the Supreme Court has ruled [Source: Washington Post].

Stage 4: DEPRESSION
Your conservative Uncle may seem in despair. He may claim not to recognize this country, or that faith and family aren’t what they used to be.
Our advice: tell him he sounds an awful lot like the people who weren’t comfortable with interracial marriage forty years ago. Or less than a hundred years ago, when women were gaining the right to vote. Then remind him that our country’s history is a timeline of our citizens gaining freedoms: from slavery to voter access, desegregation to civil rights, women’s rights, and gay rights. And remind him that the members of nearly every major religious faith supports same-sex marriage, as well as taking care of their neighbors [Source: Public Religion Research Institute].

Stage 5: ACCEPTANCE
It’s unlikely your Uncle has reached the acceptance stage, but if he has, congratulate him! He’s joined the record high number of Americans who support same-sex marriage [Source: Gallup] and recognized that Obamacare is working “better than even many supporters realize.” [Source: New York Times].
Our advice: celebrate and enjoy with the newest progressive in your family!

Remember, the first step is recognizing which stage of grief your conservative Uncle is experiencing. Then engage in conversation accordingly.

Good luck, and have a great 4th of July weekend!

Matt Sinovic
Progress Iowa

Sunday Videos

OUTRAGE IN IOWA CITY
following the Iowa decision in 2009

Woman removes Confederate flag in SC
her name is Bree Newsome on the off chance that you haven’t seen this

We celebrate our country’s independence next Saturday. I would say this is a good start

Sunday Funday: Hey! The Sun Ain’t Movin’! Edition

Sunday morning before church cheesecake Mike Luckovich, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Sunday morning before church cheesecake
Mike Luckovich, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

I’m warning you – the sun is stuck. If it don’t move pretty soon, it’s going to get hot. I mean hot!

Were you paying attention? It was one busy week.

1) The car from the Dukes of Hazzard tv show will no longer be produced with a confederate flag on it. What is the name of that car?

2) “Interpretive jiggery-pokery” is how Scalia termed the majority opinion in what SCOTUS case this week?

3) There are 3 countries on the North American continent. Which one(s) do not have marriage equality?

4) President Obama took some undue criticism for saying a bad word. What bad word did he say?

5) The grandson of preacher Billy Graham resigned his pastor position at a Florida church amid charges of what?

6) What young man apologized for the lives he had taken at his sentencing hearing last week?

7) What two Iowa politicians had to deal with contributions from the Conservative Citizens Council leader last week?

8) Doctors in Adelaide, Australia warned women that what fashionable clothing could cause nerve and muscle damage?

9) Wikileaks claimed they had proof that the NSA spied on the last three presidents of what?

10) A California judge dismissed a ballot initiative that proposed to do what to people who engaged in gay sex?

11) An almost perfect storm of fasting during Ramadan, power outages and what act of nature resulted in the death of 800+ people in Karachi, Pakistan since Sunday?

12) What Spanish language network dropped coverage of the Miss USA pageant after remarks by Miss USA part owner Donald Trump?

13) Donald Featherstone died this week. While you may not recognize his name, you will certainly recognize his most famous creation. What did Donald Featherstone create?

14) Hard to believe it has been a century plus a year since the assassination of this man triggered what would become known as World War I?

15) His state is falling apart under his leadership, so which governor thought it a good time to announce a run for president last week?

16) Take a guess how Steve King felt about the SCOTUS ruling on marriage equality?

17) Thursday was a good day for what industry in the stock market?

18) Taxis have gone on strike in France, snarling traffic to protest the presence of what competitor?

19) A bad week for the Palins. Grandma Palin was finally severed as a commentator for what network while daughter Bristol announced a second unmarried pregnancy?

20) Japan announced they were lifting a 67 year old ban on what activity to the delight of the nation’s night clubs?

BTW – there are many more suits against the ACA working their way through the judicial system. Look for another one to wiggle its way up to the SCOTUS again next year. Killing the ACA anyway they can is what Republicans do.

Answers:

1) the General Lee

2) King v. Burwell or the ACA case

3) none . All three now have marriage equality

4) the ’N’ word during an interview with Marc Maron

5) having an affair while both he and the woman were married to different partners

6) Dzjokar Tsarnaev (Boston Bomber)

7) Steve King and Joni Ernst

8) tight jeans.

9) France

10) kill them with bullets to the head or anything else that was convenient

11) heat wave with temps up to 113 degrees

12) Univision. Seems Trump made quite disparaging remarks about Hispanics when he announced his presidential run.

13) the pink lawn flamingo

14) the archduke Ferdinand

15) Bobby Jindal

16) if you said he was against it, you would be right.

17) for profit hospitals. The ACA ruling saved their butts

18) Uber

19) Fox (not) News

20) public dancing

Another Judicial Retention Fight Next Year?

Iowa Supreme Court photo 2013

Iowa Supreme Court photo 2013

Wouldn’t you have thought that after 3 judges were replaced by the new Terry Branstad that he and his party would pretty much get their way in the Iowa Supreme Court? Thus after appointing all the members of the Iowa Board of Medicine and having them go after telemedicine abortions it truly looked like there would be no trouble making a ruling against telemedia abortions stick.

It is what we like to call rigging the game. Remember when Bob Vander Plaats (R-Heaven) went after the three judges that were up for retention after the marriage equality decision? They only went after the three because that is all the law allowed to be up for a retention vote at one time. The retention vote was also used to drive up right wing voter numbers in an off year election. After a vicious campaign all three judges were escorted unceremoniously from the chambers and shiny new Governor Terry Branstad took to the task of replacing them.

The nomination and confirmation process was relatively uneventful. With a majority of the Court appointed by Branstad it surely might give one to think that Republicans may have a sympathetic ear in the chamber.

They appeared not to count on the integrity of the judges. Well, much as in the marriage equality case, the justices voted 6-0 that if you allow something for one citizen, then you must allow it for all. Oddly, this is in the Iowa Constitution. That is the guideline used by the justices. Always has been.

Here is an excerpt from the Quad City Times that lays the issue out succinctly:

“When Branstad’s appointees to the Iowa Board of Medicine outlawed the practice, Planned Parenthood of Iowa filed suit, claiming the selective ban was aimed squarely at discriminating against women, the only gender that would seek this prescription.

The Board of Medicine never discussed other applications of telemedicine. Its ban focused only on prescriptions of abortion-inducing drugs.

The Iowa Supreme Court’s unanimous ruling agreed with standards from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists affirming the practice safe. The court ruled: “In their view, the medically necessary information a physician needs to determine whether to proceed with a medication abortion is contained in the patient’s history, blood work, vital signs, and ultrasound images—which can be accessed by reviewing the patient’s records remotely or in person.”

Further, the court said Branstad’s board, “imposes some burdens that would not otherwise exist,” for women seeking these services.”

For those who heard a clip of Branstad’s reaction Monday morning he sounded like he had just been cheated by a business partner. He was sounded stunned and betrayed. At the end he brought up the possibility of a judicial retention fight by saying he wouldn’t be looking for judicial fight:

“I do respect the fact that the judiciary is a separate branch of government and the ultimate decision is with the people of Iowa as to whether they want to retain the judges or not,” the governor said. “So the position that I have consistently taken is not to advocate for or against the justices that are up for retention.”

Many folks forget that following the loss of their seats Justices Ternus, Baker and Streit were awarded a John F. Kennedy ‘Profiles in Courage’ award. At the ceremony Caroline Kennedy noted:

The three judges are interesting and courageous on many levels, … Like many of the people who get this award, they don’t consider that they are doing anything particularly courageous, they just feel they’re doing what’s right, they’re doing their job.

Have to wonder if we will have a repeat in 2016.

Woah! What A Week!

it's a new day http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026908307

it’s a new day
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026908307

‘The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.’ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Just some quick comments on quite a historical week:

There’s A New Flag In Town
For those who feel that the state should fly the flag that promotes their side in a controversy, I have to wonder if they would approve of a rainbow flag being flown on state grounds in a silent approval of marriage equality?

No Strategy, Just Destroy
Is the Republican Party only about ATTACK, DESTROY, PLUNDER? That seems to be their strategy since FDR but it has really come to a head during the Obama Administration. Think about their strategy concerning Social Security since its passage. Think of their strategy since Medicare. Think of their strategy since the ACA. The strategy since the ACA is so ludicrous that no one could ever had predicted such a reaction. Wasting huge amounts of time and money over and over taking useless votes in the House while real problems fester into huge problems. Willing to destroy the health care system in order to destroy the ACA. Crazy

Vander Plaats:
When I heard the SCOTUS decision on marriage equality my first thought turned to Bob Vander Plaats. Couldn’t help but think that the hate that he carries within him must be eating him alive right now. No doubt he is invoking Jesus’ teachings against homosexuality in his conversations today. But Jesus never said a thing about homosexuality. Jesus told us to love one another. That is the real Jesus. That is the one to study. Vander Plaats you may want to read your bible.

Heritage?
It continues to amaze me that so many citizens feel that the state should be flying a flag of treason on government grounds. Government grounds are owned by all people and as such should display only symbols that have been approved by all. Remember also that this flag is not only a flag of treason, in its current incarnation it is a flag of internal rebellion against the national government being promoted by the individual states. Amazing this could go on so long. Thanks in large measure to gutless politicians and the role of money in our political system.

Now, Democrats, Run On Health Care
The SCOTUS did Democrats a huge favor Thursday. The last strange challenge to the ACA was brushed away and the ACA is left with a solid base. Poll after poll shows that Americans want to have access to health care by a wide margin. Democrats ran away from the ACA in the last election and got their asses handed to them. Each and every Democrat needs to stand up for the ACA and promise to improve and expand it. They also need to challenge their opponents to spell out what “repeal and replace” really means. They are nothing but empty rhetoric.

Has The Message Sunk In? Quit The Damned Discrimination.
In the last couple of years the country has been in various stages of outrage over the inequalities that the Powers That Be try to maintain. From the war against black people in urban environments to the war on women being battered and discriminated against in employment to the war on equal treatment before the law for gays. Time and again we have seen citizens stand up and say in one voice “NO MORE!” Slowly things are changing. With the eyes of the internet seemingly watching everything and exposing lies and corruption throughout our system maybe we are headed ever so slowly to government FOR the people. But the people must grab the opportunity to work and vote.

Internet Neutrality:
As noted by the previous paragraph, one of the very instrumental keys to continuing to expose the lies and corruption is a neutral internet. Now can you understand why the right wing, especially the likes of the Koch brothers and the corporate media is so interested in controlling the internet. They have controlled all the other information media in this country for a long time. Doesn’t take a lot of research to find that the US has one of the worst informed publics in the world. We can’t get good information from TV, radio (even the vaunted NPR), magazines or newspapers. If they controlled the internet they would have a monopoly on information.

Nixon’s Southern Strategy.
45 years later the ugly outcome of Nixon’s Southern Strategy is coming home to roost. Promising to turn a blind eye to discrimination in the South for the delivery of votes, the Southern Strategy turned the Republicans into a viable party once more in the US. Now they are caught in a trap of whether to continue their support of the power structure in the South and alienate voters elsewhere in the country or abandon the South for votes elsewhere. This was manifested last week when Republican presidential candidates tried to claim they were on both sides of the confederate flag issue. Jeb! Bush was the most hilarious by far.

Can We Expect Massive Divorces On The Right Now?
They have been predicting that is what would happen. Call me a skeptic, but I won’t believe it until I see it. The 20 or so Republican presidential candidates should take the lead in this one.

Obama Legacy Caving Into Corporations?
Looks like the TPP, TTIP and TISA – the three trade deals that look like the monster that could kill America – are all but written into the law books. One of the real imponderables of the Obama years. Especially considering the lessons that all the previous similar trade deals have taught us.

Dutch Court Tells Government: Cut Pollution
In a case in the Netherlands last week, a Dutch court ordered the government to cut pollution by 25% in five years. The biggest question coming out of this is whether courts will become the battle ground on climate change around the world?

Married Today, Fired Tomorrow
Heard on the radio Friday after the marriage equality ruling came down: “ Remember that gay folks can get married anywhere in the US now, but when they go back to work on Monday morning they can legally be fired for being gay in most states.” There is work to be done yet, folks.

Sometimes We Need To Laugh

Been a really bad week for those who believe that America can be what it claims to be. As with many here, the events of the week have been roiling in my mind making me wonder if it is worth the fight. Murder in a mall in the heartland, race driver mass murder in South Carolina, politicians in Washington giving away America’s sovereignty in something called the TPP, all in all a bad week.

Sometimes, we just need to step back and get away from the daily grind and have a laugh.

In that vein, I stole a post from democraticunderground which did just that. A hat tip to poster Madokie for this gem of a post:

For those of us who remember, for a moment of levity. Enjoy

These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now!

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years…

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A.. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?

A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

WE DON’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING